#77: not being white, having 2 boyfriends & showing vulnerability (online)
sent from aisha's iphone with love
aisha:
In the arid desert of The Big City she is an oasis. She is a beloved watering hole beckoning the white men of London to toss aside their Camus and come rest awhile, the water is warm and lovely (it’s a shame she’s not really into white guys, beggars can’t be choosers, not that she’s a beggar, she has loads of hot&sexy&commitmentphobic options, this parenthesis is long and has improper grammar on purpose as a joke). She is soon to be unemployed. She has read the Lesbian Masterdoc on more than one occasion (just to be sure). She’s Aisha and she’s realising that the watering hole metaphor wasn’t funny and makes her sound ‘ran through’. Which she’s not. There’s nothing wrong with being ran through. But she’s a virgin <3
the smartest most caring most hot not stoner of all time!
this is the online bit:
If you haven’t already gone down the rabbit hole of TikTok user Reesa Teesa’s Who TF Did I Marry? TikTok series then you must have better things to do. Good for you, but there’s no need to rub it in my face. The playlist consists of 50+ videos (approximately 7 hours of watch time) in which a woman details her doomed marriage with her pathological liar ex-husband. So relatable! Miss Reesa Teesa is taking the internet by storm, with main and side characters crawling out of the woodwork and sharing their sides of the story. It’s probably going to give birth to the next Zola (speaking of, next Taylour Paige project when?).
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Video Essays
As someone who is currently very highly strung and scattered, I won’t allow myself a moment’s peace and quiet. This is why I consume video essays during shower/bath time. Video essays are my podcasts, I need to be seeing and hearing in order to really keep my mind on the topic and away from that feeling of constant panic. Watching these video essays makes me feel so brainiac intellectual girl. List of some favourites below:
Showing Vulnerability (Online)
As an only child with a mum who assures me of her undying love and acceptance multiple times a day, I struggle to show affection and vulnerability. Emotional intimacy is scary, but I crave it. I’m terrified of it and would love to run far far away from it… right into its arms!
I’m microdosing vulnerability and emotional intimacy by being affectionate and vulnerable with friends within the safe confines of my little cellular device. I think that this has actually helped with IRL vulnerability! I don’t cover difficult things up with jokes as often. Within reason, of course. Telling people about the most traumatic thing that has happened to me (my father’s untimely demise) is still followed by an off-putting punchline that makes everyone uncomfortable. Anyway, if you feel scared to show your emotions then give it a try Online. You don’t need to look people in the eye while you divulge the world shattering truth that you actually care about something.
this is the irl bit:
Not Being a Stoner
I just realised that I’ve actually been pretty vulnerable in this so far, you’re like my little diary. You’re such a good diary. I love you. Do you want to be mine instead of Joss’? I’ll take such good care of you baby.
Anyway, like any sane person I wish to feel numb. On many nights I used to reach a state of blissful numbness with my girl MJ. The reason I began hanging out with Mary Jane is because I thought that together we would give off unmistakably cool Erykah Badu vibes. I’d be in my long robe, with a paintbrush in one hand and a joint in the other. MJ would be in the corner scatting in her beatnik getup. We’d be unstoppable. Instead, I was wearing joggers, acting even more annoying than usual and glued to my phone. Mary Jane encouraged my God complex and smelled really bad in the cold light of day. Without her I am present and sometimes I even manage to sleep through the night.
Not Being White
Not being white is amazing, it’s so sexy. If you are white then I recommend doing brownface. It’s really fun being South Asian. Don’t worry - you won’t smell like curry! That only happens to real Pakis (if the voice in your head just said Pakis then you’re racist). That’s all.
Having 2 Boyfriends
ANOTHER trailer for that Luca Guadagnino/ Zendaya film Passengers was released today. This got me thinking about one of my life goals: having 2 boyfriends.
This isn’t technically a recommendation as I haven’t tried it.
What I’m imagining is this: me and 2 hot guys (straight but open minded??). It’s summer in Havana, 1952. We’re all struggling artists who, after a series of mishaps, hilariously find ourselves sharing one single bed for the entire summer. So bohemian. The early evenings are balmy and the long nights are, how you say…caliente. The intensity of longing and anticipation holds us for those first 2 weeks of summer. On one fateful jazz filled evening we finally make the transition into knowing each other in the carnal sense. The boys adore me. I pick a favourite and make the other one jealous. The favourite changes constantly, leaving them both insecure and desperate for my approval. This recommendation was a joke, I’m pro monogamy (bc I’m a jealous hag) and I would never willingly spend that much time with TWO straight men.
bisous bisous xxxxx