#99: having a crush, dealing with it in your 30s & ipads
sent from bella's iphone with love
bella:
hello! I'm Bella. 27 (Saturn return alert). Amsterdam's newest resident and worst bike rider <3
All you really need to know about me:
I went by Annie, short for Annabelle, until 2008 when an indie film called Twilight was released, and since then I've gone by Bella.
I grew up in Perth and love telling people who aren’t familiar with it that it’s the most isolated city in the world. This is to make me seem romantic and mysterious :)
I met Joss on a dance floor by complimenting her, obviously slay, outfit. I love her and I love this newsletter. I have sometimes thought about things I’d share here in the same way I have practised my ‘Hi AD, my names Bella Jagger and this is my home. Let me show you around.’
LFG…? perhaps?? x
bella… where have you been loca? (sorry, sorry)
this is the online bit:
★ iPads ★
Holy shit I love my iPad so fucking much. The only way you could pry it from me would be literally over my dead body.
Okay, so. rewind!!! Let me tell you about how my iPad came to be. I first fantasised about an iPad at the peak of my Facebook Marketplace addiction - I was simply gonna need a bigger screen for all that scrolling. I converted when my 2010 MacBook Air finally carked it (the apple genius was kind enough to recycle it for me when I attempted a trade-in) and I received multiple data violations for using my work laptop to manage my entire personal life and shopping habits.
Enter the iPad! She’s big, she’s beautiful, she’s the oldest model they had in stock. I can take grainy heat map selfies in the photo booth app, I can say, ‘hey I’m just calling you from my iPad right now’ into a low quality mic, I can have… iPad time. I aim to get one of those huge cases toddlers have so I can throw it out my apartment window in a tantrum without a single scratch. I can’t begin to explain how good it feels to sit on the couch in a fuzzy robe, glasses on the tip of your nose, typing on an iPad with index fingers only. I hope you can one day experience that joy.
sent from my iPad
★ Still playing The Sims ★
"Everything I know about love, I learnt from you."
So… pearl clutch moment. How the HELL is The Sims not in the SFMIWL archives yet? Years from now historians will be studying this substack to unpack culture in our lifetime, and I’m obbbbvi gonna put this on the record to give them the full picture.
When was the last time you sat down and nurtured a multi generational family? Bribed your kids into private school? Made a virtual version of crush? (prelude alert!) Woohooed with full volume to hear those exciting little baby bells?
For me, similar to a full re-run of the Twilight saga (all 5 or it doesn’t count kid), The Sims is an annual activity. I like to settle in, spend a few slow hours downloading and installing the game updates while my computer overheats, find hot new hairstyles and outfits on modthesims.info, then get bored after a few days of play and deal with the clean up (uninstalling the game from my work computer and getting stressed about the custom content I downloaded). I feel it coming soon. Go on, you know you wanna….
★ Levi and Will on TikTok ★
This is who I’m watching when I’m having iPad time. Levi is the hottest woman alive and William, sent from heaven, is her stay-at-home boyfriend. I love to be a fly on the wall of this dom & sub suburban dream. I’ve been telling everyone to watch them, now I’m telling you!!
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this is the offline bit
☆ Having a crush ☆
Step #1 to being a girl (gender inclusive): have a crush!! Reasons why I love crushes:
You get to say *crush*
The subject of the crush. They're so hot! And oh my god they look even better in that outfit! And did you hear what they just said? So smart! So charming!
The GOSSIP! You've got a new text from them - update your friends. They haven't texted you - update your friends. They just did something hot - update your friends. They just did something NOT hot - update your friends. I could listen to my friends' opinions on what a good couple me + crush would make for hours. I could tell you how much your crush clearly likes you until lé cows commeth home. Endless yap fodder!
Unrequited love is so fun! If I listed all the people I’d crushed over who I’ve never even flirted with I’d need a bigger newsletter.
The down right insanity the crusher will experience throughout. Common sense is left at the door. Nothing is off the table. Anything if possible. Vulnerable example: I once genuinely considered moving to South Korea after 2 hinge dates with a man on vacation in Sydney.
Heart break. I <3 emotions! There is nothing better than hurting your own feelings over a crush that started and ended entirely in your own mind. I like to put on Sade (if it’s really bad then it’s Dido time), have a cigarette, and feel sorry for myself around the house when this happens. Insufferable!
☆ Dealing with it in your 30s ☆
How am I meant to squeeze every delicious drop of joy out of my 20s if I’m worried about learning to budget, curbing cigarettes after a singular drop of wine, or getting invisalign for my teeth that have mysteriously started to look different? Dare I say I am.. just a girl?? My new mantra: I’m dealing with it in my 30s.
Already in your 30s? Yikes! Haha. Kidding. Let me introduce you to your new friend: dealing with it in your late 30s.
☆ Tocobo Sunscreen ☆
The only thing I will not be dealing with in my 30s is sun damage, due to this marvellous little K beauty product I swipe over my face every day. It’s mattifying (crucial for the constant sheen of sweat I have from cycling every-god damn-where), SPF 50+, and comes in a stick so you feel like you’re rolling deodorant across your cheeks at 7am. Fun!
kisses xxx
J' freaking adore