predictive sext 002
pride, maxxxine & waking life
welcome to predictive sext. fortnightlyish, ben (comic, writer, undiagnosed socialite & bestie) will be asking is this thing on? and hanging out to discuss topics du jour: the latest in pop culture, what we’ve been consuming and our lives. kinda like a podcast. kinda like a text thread. definitely like an exercise in hubris, but hey, isn’t everything?
your cohosts are back in the booth <3
joss: and just like that… we’re in mid july. pride’s over. the faint lingering of poppers on the breeze is our only reminder it wasn’t just a garish nightmare... have you shaken the glitter from your beard? removed the hanging rainbow douches from your office? replaced the homo a in your ‘yases’ for the hetero e?
ben: honey, you beat me to it! i’ve got a call with london’s most fabulous conversion therapist next week.
joss: at this time of year?! i thought her calendar would be booked the house down for months! you must be in need of some real help.
ben: enough with the funny business joss. in all seriousness, pride was bad. lots of standing and walking. and the party at colour factory? a non-consensual sauna experience.
joss: pride did not make me proud. soho was serving only overpriced piss and rainbow pins. That doth not a party maketh. it always shocks me how complicated they try and make it. there’s nothing the gays like more than cheap drinks and good music. and yeah… colour factory was fun but there was not a single inch of flesh that wasn’t drenched in sweat. a question… does everyone feel sexy when they sweat or is it a gay thing?
ben: my favorite part of pride was you saying ugh this feels capitalism vibes and i was like joss stop being a party pooper and then seconds later we were asked by ebay if they could take photos of our outfits. anyway, see you next year. i feel sexy sweaty on the record.
joss: a surefire way to get me on side with pink washing is if I’m starring… although this time i didn’t make the cut! ebay will rue the day. speaking of i’m a starrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr- how was maxxxine?
ben: maxxxine was a hoot! i had severely low expectations but it was fun! hearing lily collins do a yorkshire accent was worth the ticket price alone. i did think they missed some obvious opportunities in the costume department by creating an iconic look or two, similar to pearl’s now immortalised red dress. but everyone’s performance was equally insane.
joss: i’m so excited to see it. I think I’ve seen x like 5 times, both because i love it so much and also because i kept on falling asleep in it, which is maybe something i should be keeping to myself. interesting re needing to create an iconic look. perhaps not a hot take, but I feel like that’s what makes a character live beyond the screen. If bella baxter never had that yellow shorts blue puff shoulder moment, would she have been as iconic? who would spongebob be without his 2inch inseam?
ben: where would joss teter be without her little bag and giant t*ts?
joss: a philosophical question first posed by plato, no?
ben: tea. it feels like eons ago but you just returned from the great pilgrimage to waking life, a festival in portugal. tell me more…
joss: i’d say the easiest way to describe it would be if burning man was actually how burning man was intended, and not just super rich tech bros and quasi famous instagram models getting messy and going on content trips respectively. the festival was based around this lake, and you could swim across it to reach different stages. 7 days is a long time but it felt like you were really immersed in this other world, especially because there was no reception. there was performance art everywhere. i did a summer solstice workshop lol. clothing was pretty optional. it was incredible. you would have hated it.
ben: that sounds like hell personally. was the summer solstice workshop like the screaming scene from midsommar? i’m glad you and your free spirits had a beautiful time though.
joss: not to totally freak you out, but it was a guided meditation. everyone sat on the floor and these people wearing nothing but masks came over to you and tied a scarf around your eyes. we sat there for maybe an hour, listening to this person over an an ambient track. there were these lights that made everyone trip, so i just sitting there, blindfolded, looking toward the light, with like 100 other people having, i guess, a “spiritual experience”. very culty. really confirmed i’m not cut out for cults though because i got a bit bored and started thinking about stuff like if i should get a pedicure after the festival and what i should get to drink.
ben: wow we should do that at home next time we need to find a housemate but scream instead of play ambient music to weed out the weak.
joss: i’m pro hazing. how else are we supposed to know you’ll be fun at a house party?
ben: after your waking life sojourn, i’m starting to think we have different visions for our house parties.
joss: next one lets set up the drum circle and pass around the dmt. what are you saying?
ben: i’m locking my room <3 ciao babes!
lots of love, joss and ben xxxx