vol 10: being alone, miami boys choir & getting the bleep off social media
sent from toby's iphone with love
you’ve met toby before, remember? he’s the person i wanna be when i grow up. toby is the handy man behind tld woodworking and the genius behind glen s. he is one of the most driven people i know, literally living his mf dream of writing music everyday in berlin. he made one of my dreams come true by naming a song after our friendship. all the hottest bitches in history are muses, so i guess i’m officially in the club. in case you didn’t know yet, i’m also lucky enough to call him my bff.
toby with his iphone & urinal (?)
this is the internet bit
Miami Boys Choir
Just watch it - you'll know wtf is up.
Learning language = awesome. Set a timer for 30 mins a day and have some fun becoming smarter. It also helps to explain people from other cultures. Germans for example, speak fucking backwards half the time. To me this explains why they're often polite and thoughtful, cause they can't just make up a sentence as they're going along, like me. They really have to think about what they're going to say (crazy concept i kno).
Par example, "Mochten sie montags greischisch essen bestellen fur meinen sohn?" (Would you like Monday’s Greek food to order for my son?)
Social Media Can Suck My Big Fat Juicy Hairy Ass
Holey Fuckoley I have loved getting off social media. My patience has gone thru tha ROOF and my brain is feeling way more normal? (Toby normal - not normal normal). The other day I was bored so I went to the platz down the road and watched the dogs play for a fucking hour and a half. When you're bored and creative, you've got no real option but to do something with your meaningless existence on this flying rock hurtling through the deep voids of space (bleak but tru nomsayin). By the end of the hour and half, I had names and backstories for each of the dogs and can honestly say it was a memorable 1.5hrs of my life (way more so than spending 1.5hrs on Instagram).
this is the irl bit
Be Blunt(er)
Feedback please!!
I think the world has become a bit toooooo nice, and people are afraid of speaking their opinions. For real tho, just let me know what you don't like/understand about me and i will do my best to empathise and explain. We all out here living our own individual existences and most of the time have no idea what the hell is going on in other people's brains. I'm not suggesting you go out there and roast the fuck out of everyone, but if you think someone around you is being a dumb fuk for whatever reason, have a think, and if you're still thinking the same thing by the end of your think (confusing but makes sense right?), speak ur mind (you don't have to agree and you can let me know!). I personally want to change and grow with the collection of wonderful people I have had the pleasure of coming to love over my life, so give advice, have the hard conversations, and just be honest.
Obviously hard conversations require a respectful tone, good timing and an open mind to the other person's opinion - after all, the ultimate goal is to achieve a greater level of understanding between you and your fellow humans and to learn about yourself, the other person and the world 2getha. Talking about how you are feeling invites empathy and being curious about other's motivations (even if u disagree) is perfectly alright. I would advice the sandwich technique when dishing out feedback.
Don't Be Afraid To Be Alone
I'm sorry if I come across as someone constantly trying to dish out advice, but honestly this kinda stuff is what I spend all day thinking about. I fucking love being happy and full of joy and when I am feeling that way I think about why that is (AKA being grateful), and when I'm not I'm coming up with new solutions on how to turn it around (AKA being positive).
On top of that I really don't mind sharing my thoughts so here we are. One of my go to happy methods is to spend a whole bunch of time on your own - just you, your body and your brain. I miss my woodworking shop so much - I had the joy of spending hours upon hours every week in solitude just creating shit with my hands and body whilst doing loads of my own thinking and listening to other people's thoughts (either with podcasts, books or music). There's no feeling like blowing your own mind with some revolutionary thought that explains you at the very moment, which I will often write down in my notes (see attached for a taste). These ramblings might make no sense to you but they make loads of sense to me and that's all that really matters in the end. All this alone time frees up so much social energy for when I finally see my amigos, amigals and amitheys. One word of warning - spending lots of time alone can be dangerous for your mental health when you re-enter the world if not done correctly. I spent whole months (like literally months) on my own on my travels because I was either thriving so hard alone or conversely; struggling and finding connecting with new people difficult af. After these periods of blissful solitude, re-entering was anxiety inducing and hardddd, but has ultimately lead to loads of growth and self understanding.
insight into toby’s notes/second brain (this is why i’m so obsessed w him)
Listen Before You Speak
After spending so much time alone, I am itching to get into other brains just as much as I am wanting to share everything going on in mine. I have so many inspirationally good listeners in my life (e.g. Liam, Jammy, Livos McSchmidtos etc) who have casually taught me the power of patience and thoughtfulness. People who know how to actively listen, understand, appreciate and connect with their fellow humans are the biggest fucking g’s IMHO and keep the narcissists like myself feeling loved and accepted (look at how many times I have said “I” in this newsletter lol).
To that end, I say embody the listeners in your life every now and again and get properly interested in those around you. This might be moot advice to a lot of you who already kno whats up, but for me, when I'm feeling too hyper or loosely anxious, asking questions, being interested in someone else and getting inside their brain is a true joy. If you don't know where to start just ask "What you thinking about", and then the all powerful word - “why?” Why really gets you right in the folds and crevices of another person's brain.
Our dearest lord and saviour of this newsletter Joss Peterlyn would always ask me these questions as we sat out on the blue couch in front of her house, and I think it's one of the keys of how we got so close.
ta ta ciao ciao ily xxxxx x x