vol #16: inner hype person, feng shuitok & jury duty
sent from alana's iphone with love
alana:
Hey SFMIWL fam, my name is Alana. I am Joss’ hinge date turned bestie. A pipeline that we actually pioneered in the gay community and has definitely never EVER happened before. We actually just celebrated our 1 year anniversary… love you Juicy girl!
Before we get into this takeover I'd like to make a confession... I failed English in high school…. aaaand I have to use the little microphone in the corner of my phone keypad to enable the voice to text function for words I can’t spell. But Joss has given me a chance at redemption for my high school faux pas. Who knows, maybe I'll learn how to spell a word or two along the way. So with that being said, here are some of my recs, ramblings and silly brain thoughts, with love - Alana xoxo
alana, the ultimate cool bitch
this is the online bit
A show about jury duty sounds like a snooze fest but hear me out. Think The Office and Punk’d had a baby and gave it to Jeff Bezos to put on Amazon Prime. The premise is a documentary series on the US judicial system, but everyone is a paid actor except for one guy, Ronald.
Ronald replied to a Craigslist ad that landed him in one of the most cracked courtroom cases ever and cluelessly, he completely surrenders to the experience. From the mishandling of evidence, to being sequestered and stuck with an eclectic group of people (one being James Marsden playing himself with an inflated ego) he shows compassion, patience and proves himself to be a legend. It’s funny, it’s heartwarming and it’s really dumb which in my eyes makes for the holy trinity of deliciously easy TV watching.
For those of you who don’t know, I’m a makeup artist. Researching sources of inspiration is a big part of my job. One place I'm guaranteed to find creative ingenuity is on Brandi TV’s Youtube channel. She starts her videos by getting stoned out of her mind and then uses makeup, household items and pure talent to turn herself into characters ranging from Oscar the Grouch to Yoda. Seeing someone just throw themselves into a seemingly impossible task and somehow make it work is incredibly satisfying to watch. It gets me out of my head so much and has taught me that being creative is all about flow, drive and that a weed brownie can solve almost any problem.
My For You page on TikTok is chaotic. The algorithm really is saying, baby we have no idea what you are into, but here is a video of an old woman who has a deep bond with a one armed monkey, followed by a man in the woods cooking on a fire with a fuck off big knife, followed by a chick in LA reviewing designer shops and their ludicrous bathrooms. My favourite random account however is Mr Cliff Tan, a feng shui master. He gets people to submit their heinous rooms and feng shuis the shit out of them. He’s responsible for me finding out that the queen had died when he made a video on how to feng shui a room that somebody has just passed away in.
I love the idea of feng shui, like of course my feet shouldn’t be facing the door because the bad energy will affect my sleep and of course you can divide a room by putting a couch in the middle to make it feel cozy. Like, helloooo people, wake up, don’t put a TV next to your front door, it doesn’t invite people into your home properly!!!
The education mixed with his friendly demeanour and catch phrase “so now you know,” makes for the perfect mindless Sunday afternoon watch curled up on my couch wondering why I had to drink a zillion negronis the night before.
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this is the irl bit
Inner Hype Person
My favourite thing about the brain, other than it keeping me alive, is that my thoughts are private. When I was younger, I was skeptical about this fact. I would test it by screaming inside my head to see if anyone would look startled by the sound. Anyway, since my adolescent research I have found it to be a safe place. A safe place for me to be my number one hype girl, a narrator to my story, because I really am the main character in my own life. I find positive self talk during menial tasks makes life more fun. For example, saying “WOW you are a hottie culinary genius”, when I perfect my avocado toast in the mornings. “You are doing such a good job of staying alive, especially in this economy”, when I manage to not transfer money from my savings one week. “You are the best reverse parallel parker in this god damn universe,” after I park in the tightest spot the Inner West has ever seen, in just three moves. This is guaranteed to make you feel on top of the world. So, I implore you to indulge in the gorgeousness of telling yourself each day that you are the biggest fucking champion that ever walked this earth, and probably will ever walk this earth. Positive self talk and inner dialogue are crucial for feeling like the best version of yourself.
Crocs
Crocs are quite divisive. To me, they are fashion in its purest form. They provide comfort, they allow the owner to customise (with jibbitz, which my housemate sacrilegiously calls giblets), they come in every colour under the sun and famously go with everything. My first memory of Crocs is my younger sister's obsession. She had a pair of rainbow ones (jealous) that if she wasn’t allowed to wear, would proceed to throw a tantrum. Somewhere along the line her obsession faded and it got transferred to me. My pink platform crocs are my ride or die, they are my best friend, they pick me up when I'm down and they are also make me fall down because platforms and people who drag their feet don’t got hand in hand, but I digress. If I am told that I can’t wear my crocs because it’s my “cousin's wedding,” I too will throw a tantrum. Also, total flex but Jason Derulo complimented my crocs when I was working on The Voice the other day, so if that doesn’t sell you on them honey, I don't know what will.
Hyper Fixation Craft
I am a jack of all trades, a master of none - BUT better than a master of one. My hyper fixations have allowed me to become a potter, a jeweller, a seamstress and a literal carpenter for 1 - 2 business days. And the list goes on and on. My most recent craft adventure was a mirror framed by mosaic that so it looks like a disco ball. This project cost me an absurd amount and found me going back to Bunnings on three separate occasions because I underestimated just how many tiny mirrored tiles I would need. Hunched over and sticky with glue for around 40 hrs, my masterpiece was complete. Was it worth it? Who knows. But now I have a fun mirror to take from this share house to the next for the rest of my 20s.
two masterpieces
with buckets of love