vol #26: duck videos, cleaning your ears & being warm
sent from jasmine's iphone with love
jas:
Hey sex machines. You’re saddled with me, Jasmine Pirovic, 25, 54th in line to an egg empire and self-hating writer/lapsed painter.
I won’t reply to your emails or texts or phone calls or voice notes but bait me with the chance to talk about myself and… well, here I am in your inbox. Thanks Joss, you are the patron saint of my narcissism. You’re also the person who introduced me to Vegemite as an adult, so there’s that too.
the aforementioned self hating writer/lapsed painter
this is the online bit
ASMR
Deep down I am just a sickening Cancer stereotype who likes to have her wittle ears tickled. Sue me! Admittedly, some ASMR videos are…strange. Spit painting? I’m not here to yuck your yum but that’s rank. Anyway, walk with me, and let me show you what quality ASMR can be. Basically, the genre is hot girls getting head massages. There’s Phoebe Bridgers, Gabbriette, Paige Elkington… pick your flavour and giddy-up!
Duck Videos
This feels very Disney adult of me, so apologies for that. But winter is here, my eyes have sunk deep into their sockets, my skin is sallow and I am one sardine away from a Vitamin D deficiency. Maybe. The ledge I’m clinging onto? The sound of duck feet slapping tiles and their frazzled little heads pecking strawberries from iced water. I don’t know. People are smoking again. Sam Levinson pissed $75 mil up the wall. This habit, while basic, isn’t half as boring.
Audible
Sometimes a girlie doesn’t want to spend a month re-reading the entire Confessions of Georgia Nicolson series. Sometimes she wants to listen to it while scrubbing scum off the shower walls or to keep her company as she squeezes one out on the porcelain throne. In any case, Audible is great. Although free audiobooks on YouTube are better. Right now, it’s the woes of Adrian Mole coursing through my headphones.
this is the irl bit
Football
Call me a big fat lezzy (that’s bisexual to you!!), but I’m on a bit of a football kick. Hehe. I show up to training on Thursday nights (which turns out is a great excuse to avoid work events), roll around in grass and enjoy that sweaty feeling that was previously exclusive to evenings playing 44 Home as a kid. Then on Sunday I lay anxious in bed all morning, kick some shins, drink my blue Powerade and call it a job well done. I like to think it’s my Italian and Croatian blood compelling me to take up the pastime of my forebears, but in reality, I just have honking hard on for Bend It Like Beckham.
Shoutout to my mum Maria Pirovic for sponsoring this journey and spotting me $50 of the $400 signup fee. I swear it’s not like my birth, you will see a return in your investment this time!!!
kick some shins!
Being warm
I blame this dumbass mentality partly on the stoicism inherited from my dad but also an unspoken rule in primary school that whoever wore a jumper was weak. Which is why my underdeveloped brain turned up to mufti day in July 2009, when it was literally HAILING, wearing teeny denim shorts and a tank top. I can proudly say I’m reformed. It’s big stompy boots, stockings, cardigans, scarves, coats – the works. The point I’m trying to make though is being comfortable is nice, it’s normal, in fact it’s recommended! Which means being warm when the weather calls for it. This logic also applies to the rest of life: if you need tissues or scissors, just buy them. A kitchen knife and toilet paper are not the same thing. Life is hard enough as it is.
Cleaning your ears
Any self-respecting medical practitioner will disapprove, but I love digging deep in the ol’ ear canal. There’s nothing more satisfying than seeing all the waxy muck your hearing holes have collected. Send me a DM for photos xx
ciao divas!
how do u have so many awesome friends