vol #23: linkedin, sinus rinses & keeping promises to yourself
sent from ella's iphone with love
ella:
Ella Beer, newly 27, most Gemini Gemini to ever Gemini. Arts marketing specialist by day, ½ of Diva Cups DJs by night. Loves trivia, reality TV and dancefloors (can’t be sure but likely where she first encountered Joss). Dislikes beetroot and people who make being an introvert their entire personality.
ella!
this is the online bit
I’m on a mission to memorise every single capital city in the world, partly because I have an insatiable thirst for knowledge but mostly because I love attention. Thanks to my good pals over at JetPunk, I’ve just today clocked 181/196 capital cities. Slay @ me. JetPunk is my favourite online trivia quiz platform of the few that I have trialled. It satiates my need for constant stimulation without the guilt spiral associated with TikTok doom scrolling. I actually feel like it’s lessening my chances of developing any of the degenerative brain diseases. It’s also a fabulous way to procrastinate for my office baddies, because you type SO furiously to beat that little quiz timer that nobody would ever clock that you haven’t done a work-related task in 2.8 business days.
watching whole movies on tik tok
Recall my aforementioned need for constant stimulation. As an avid consumer of all kinds of media, many people are gobsmacked when I tell them that I’ve watched maybe 3 actual movies total in 2023. I just simply cannot focus on the same singular big screen for more than maybe 50 minutes, knowing that there’s other little screens I could be watching simultaneously. I even had a brief stint as a crochet-er to try and keep my hands busy so that I could watch more movies! Epic fail!
But one day in recent weeks, some anonymous weirdo changed the course of my personal history by deciding to upload an entire movie onto TikTok divided into 3 minute clips. This bold choice inspired a new trend, and now there’s basically a whole library of chopped up films on the clock app. My rotted rat brain is elated. So far I’ve watched The Blind Side, The Intern, The Devil Wears Prada, Hidden Figures and perhaps a third of Erin Brokovich. Now I feel confident participating in discussions with the #filmbros!!! Thank you, anonymous TikTok weirdo. I owe you my life.
LinkedIn:
Hear me out, because this is positively rancid and evil: there is no platform that will cut to the core of the people you dislike quite like LinkedIn. Specifically, nothing will remedy rage/disdain/the green eyed monster quite like realising your enemy is earnestly cringe-posting about their fake Big 4 job. So I give you permission to indulge your inner hater for a sec, just make sure you turn on private mode.
erin brokovich
this is the irl bit
1000 coils of fear, olivia wenzel
I’m a massive advocate for random and adventurous reading. I like to see whatever TF has a bright millennial-coded cover at the library and give it a red hot crack. If I’m honest with myself, the old adage about books/covers etc rings true, because 7 times out of 10 I waste my precious hours on Colleen Hoover-adjacent drivel (sorry to my CoHoes). But I soldier on! Because I am an agent of chaos, and because when it pays off, the satisfaction is unparalleled.
One such success was when I picked up 1000 Coils of Fear by Olivia Wenzel on a whim from St Peters Library. The form is unlike anything I’ve ever encountered in literature. Told via an array of very distinct inner voices, and largely in the second person, the text portrays the internal dialogue of a black German woman reckoning with the scars left by lifelong encounters with racism. The contemporary European perspective also felt really fresh and REALLY vital. It’s easily the best book I’ve read this year and I think about it daily even three months after the fact. Read it!!!
sinus rinses
Yeah, the rumours are true, I am a chronic sinusitis #warrior. I could kiss the feet of whoever invented those sinus rinses (or nasal douches, if ya nasty). Goddamn. The very second my boogers feel even a millimetre thicker than baseline, you’ll find me over the bathroom sink practically spraying my grey matter out of my nostrils. Did I take that too far? Whatever! Water lobotomies forever!
ella on the water lobotomies
making (and keeping) promises to yourself
At the beginning of 2023, I was feeling completely crushed at the prospect of another year of wasting away under the oppressive fluorescent lighting at my 9-5 office job. Not the first time, nor the last time I’ll embark on this train of thought. I’ve tried soooOOoOoO many methods of managing my mental health and finding ways to just ~exist~, but I haven’t found anything as effective as my decision to devise a few ‘promises to myself’ in order to find peace in this capitalist hellscape.
E.g. - ‘I promise to do something for my soul every single day’. ‘I promise to get outside if it’s not raining’. ‘I promise to move my body in whatever way feels good that day’. I’m not reinventing the wheel out here, but something about framing them as ‘promises’ really reinvigorates my relationship with myself. I don’t keep my promises every day, but it reminds me of who I am, what I need, and gives me something to return to each day. I don’t know about you, but I love me, so I could never let me down. Look after yourselves babies, it’s tough out there! <3
xoxoxoxo