vol #32: magic, cartology astrology & birds
sent from maddie's iphone with love
maddie:
Ok movers and shakers ( Hello Mother!). My name is Maddie and I am trying my darnedest to be a clown these days, (or a multidisciplinary artist, whichever comes first). I am currently studying theatre making in Naarm and I love surprises. That’s all that I know to be true about myself at this moment in time. So that will have to do.
I am an obsess-aholic, ( yes I made that up) meaning I have a myriad of obsessions that change every five minutes. Even in writing this RIGHT NOW, I have found a new obsession which is brackets ( I love ‘em). So here is a list of things that excite me this week, this day, RIGHT NOW.
not just a good witch! a sexy witch!
this is the online bit
Anyone that knows me well, knows that I have a very loose grasp of technology. I would go as far to say that I am technology repellent.
I made a promise to myself to improve this year, and therefore have been experimenting. Enter: Zello, an app that allows you to voice memo friends in real time like a walkie talkie!!
Now, the beauty of this app is it allows you to feel like a spy (Dylan Sanders) (Helen Zaas for the real ones). People that know me well also know that I hate pooing alone, (soo boring in there!) so this walkie talkie is perfect, because I can excrete AND get top secret information at the same time - a modern woman!
Another plus side of this app is that it just speaks out of your phone. So even when, say, you’re fucking your lover in bed and your drunk friend checks in about the date, your phone can just scream out into the ether; “ew! Did you end up banging?”. It’s kinda like you’re having a threesome. 5 stars.
Another thing I am absolutely obsessed with is crocodiles. This obsession has gotten to such an extreme that I can’t swim in murky water (baths are sometimes iffy). Yes, this fear, this addiction, is indeed sexual in some ways, because I find crocs really hot and dangerous.
I have been struggling with this for many years, and have tried exposure therapy, a ban from croc docs (enforced by Joss) herself and a variety of other tactics, however, I am finding some solace in an Instagram account called solar_whisper.
I’ve been trying to reframe my feelings towards crocs, seeing them as friends not foe, as powerful spiritual creatures who have withstood the literal test of time, and actually need protection. I have never seen them as cute before now, but rather as the ginormous people eating machines as they are shown to be in our media and film e.g Rogue and Blackwater. Give them a follow if you want to see crocs everyday just fricken chillin’ and not crocs in your dreams eating your loved ones and then fucking you.
Another? You ask? You’re obsessed with me! Ok... I’m recommending Cartology Astrology. I’m not someone who lives my life strictly according to the laws of astrology, but I do dabble. I found this website where you can use the time, place and date of your birth to find out where you need to travel next for love, work, discovery etc.
This site has brought much clarity as to why my career has not taken off, nor why I haven't met the love of life yet, and this is because according to Cartology Astrology this all happens in Russia, Greenland and Peru. If you’re planning a trip soon, make sure you’re going to all the right spots for you!
dunno what this means, love it though
this is the irl bit
Magic
I have always loved magic, whether it be pixies (pixie power forever) or doing love spells in my bedroom in the dark (this was before I learnt that love spells are EVIL) ( I am a good witch) or sleight of hand or Harry Potter or sunlight through a window. I love it. All of it.
However, I have been delving into one specific type, which is magic tricks. I found out recently that my grandmother was actually a magician's assistant, the very same week my friends found a magic box ( the type where someone gets soared in half). So it was only natural to start learning card tricks, match tricks, illusionism, sleight of hand, pick pocketing, robbery (NO! Good witch, good witch!). I just think there’s nothing sexier than having a deck of cards in your back pocket and being able to pull a cigarette out from someone’s ear. If you also share this obsession, please blow my mind next time I see you.
hell yes
Birds
Talking of flights of fancy, (incredible segue) another recent obsession was inspired by my new housemate Max. It’s something I like to call (and I think everyone else calls), Birds.
Growing up with a friend who is terrified of birds, I have felt very indifferent to theses creatures. I also think they get soo much attention, as the symbol of freedom etc. However, I have been really enjoying what Max calls “tuning in”, which is sitting in the backyard and just observing which birds come to visit. Very Cinderella, I know. Too Cinderella, so I thought I’d take it up a notch.
I watched a video about how ravens have the memory of a five year old. They can remember faces, especially if you feed them or give them presents. One woman fed this group of ravens (known as an unkindness. Hopefully they are more generous with me), and they began to bring her stuff. Rubber bands, bits of paper. Every time she liked the gift, she would give them nicer food. One day they brought her a $20 note. They were obviously handsomely rewarded and now they do it all the time.
Look- it’s not my fault we live in a capitalist society, so may as well play the game. I have been finding ravens recently, giving them little treaties and saying “remember this face, remember me, I help you, you help me.” I’ll keep you updated with how it goes, but I recommend trying it. I have not made any money YET, but big things are coming soon I reckon.
unflappable money making scheme
Going Into Random Buildings
This last one was inspired by Old Joel, who always told us to walk around the city like you’re a tourist, which I guess for him includes walking into random buildings. I did just that, and it was incredible.
After a somewhat boozy night with a somewhat sobering companion, I thought it would be very Lost In Translation to sneak into the Sofitel 5 star hotel in Melbourne’s CBD.
We snuck into the lift behind some very posh looking couple (which was purely for the thrill as the general public are allowed up to the bar) and found ourselves in a building within a building. We then sat in the bathrooms which have floor to ceiling windows and looked out onto the glittering lights of Melbourne. Oh so romantic.
If you needed more convincing to do this, here's a highlights list: the adrenaline, the long carpeted hallways, the bottle of Veuve that looked like it weighed more than me (just go with it) and an eclectic mix of characters to rub shoulders with.
Next time you see a door unlocked or a weird building, take the plunge. Better to play dumb than seek forgiveness (or whatever that quote is).
bye pixie!